Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
