How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
