mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
