the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
