my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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