every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
