I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
