i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
