Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
