I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
