I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
