My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize