Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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