You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
