I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
