Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
should my penis look like a turkey
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
