dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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