I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
