Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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