he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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