i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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