THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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