Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
