Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
