I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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