Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
