Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
