its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
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