I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
