he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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