I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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