there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
nutella sex= disaster
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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