so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
