why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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