dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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