marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
