I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
