Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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