it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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