Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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