i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Are my feet made of real feet?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
