Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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