everyone is single if you try hard enough
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize