i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize