It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize