they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
