We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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