Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
