I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
