it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
