I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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