i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
