My underwear smells like fireworks.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize