remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
