Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
