so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
