I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
