Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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