i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
