Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
