wat bout pragnant strippers??
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
