i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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