I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
