I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
