Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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