Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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