You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
